Mushrooms

Have you noticed, there’s been something happening because of the amazing autumn weather recently? Sunny, but misty in the morning, so it’s been quite damp early in the day. If you’ve taken a walk in Pacific Spirit Park or any of the local forests, you’ve probably noticed the incredible explosion of mushrooms everywhere. They’re on fallen logs, tree stumps, absolutely everywhere. Even the dog turds along the paths have sprouted white hairy beards.

I counted at least 8 or 9 different species of newly sprouted fungi on my morning dog walk today. The most obvious are the bright red Fly Agaric (Amanita Muscaria); Glorious flashes of orangey-red covered in white flecks that are popping up everywhere. There’s an extensive list of the ‘shroomage of Pacific Spirit Park here. Literally dozens of different types with great names; Carnival Candy Slime Mould, Witch’s Butter, Blushing Fibrehead, Bleeding Fairy Helmet and on and on.

I’ve no doubt there are many that are edible but the park signage is clear: there is to be no harvesting of any plants, animals or mushrooms. Leave nothing, take only photos is the adage we were taught, but apparently not everyone thinks that way.

This morning I came across a tall, heavy-set man in his 70s, happily trampling the undergrowth off to the side of one of my favourite dog paths. He was wearing gum boots, clutching a black garbage back and gathering fistfuls of brown mushrooms growing on a log. It was a spot I’d noticed a few days back; an Avatar-like sci-fi forest of mushrooms that sprang up overnight absolutely covering the log. Quite spectacular and apparently edible but now gone. I.. er.. remonstrated with him.

“You can’t harvest mushrooms in the park. It’s not allowed.”

“Yes, sorry, no thank you.” He replied in a heavy east European accent.

“It’s a nature reserve -you can’t pick mushrooms here.”

“I no see sign. I pick.”

“It’s a nature reserve. Stop picking or I’m going to call the Park rangers when I find their number.”

Continuing to trample the forest floor, he played his trump card. Age. I should let him continue ravaging the park ecosystem because he’s old.

“I’m old man. What’s wrong with poor old man picking a few mushrooms. You not nice man.”

And what’s wrong with a few elementary school kids picking some as well? Or some poor students supplementing their meager rations? Or my mother who grew up in the forests of Bohemia and knows mushrooms? Or the local organic vegan restaurant. Or..

“Nah, screw you. I’m calling the rangers. It’s not on.”

Pacific Spirit Park is a wildlife reserve and as beautiful an urban forest as you could hope to find anywhere, and you don’t pick anything. Leave it be. Let it grow. I might be a grumpy fuck but all it takes is one cigarette butt from a poor old east European man picking a few mushrooms and our city loses a gem. I made the call.