It’s Raining.

Love it or hate it, the Pacific Northwest rain is something we suffer through in Vancouver, and eventually all long-term Vancouverites will bitch about it. It’s the heavy grey clouds that sit just above tree top height for days at a time, pissing out huge volumes of frigid, lumpy water, turning the local woods into swampland.

I’m as guilty of this as anyone as my wife can attest. So, after the protracted deluges of the last month, I thought I’d take a quick look at how much rain we actually get. Where do we rank on the global precipitation charts and is it as bad as our Seasonal Affective Moaning makes out?

We average about 45 inches of rain a year, measured at Vancouver’s award-winning, 100% waterproof airport. North Vancouver, specifically the base of Grouse Mountain, gets double that: 97 inches fall on the lucky residents there every year making it the wettest neighborhood in Canada. Come on, admit it, it always looks a bit Lord of the Rings across the harbour doesn’t it?

BC also hosts the rainiest spot in North America, out-soaking even tropical Costa Rica. And no, it’s not my block in Point Grey surprisingly. Henderson Lake on Vancouver Island, takes the prize, with an average precipitation of 271.8 inches, which maxed out at a Canadian record of 366.4 inches of rain in 1997.

Of course, every Vancouverite knows the name of our most notorious weather system; the Pineapple Express. A mass of warm, moist air, that comes our way from a nebulous spot out near the Hawaiian Islands. As it trundles happily along, skimming the surface of the ocean on its way to BC, the warm air sponges up half the Pacific Ocean. And when it gets here, it kindly hands the Pacific water over to BC for safe keeping, guaranteeing days and days of warm weather and monsoon levels of rain.

How do we compare to London in the UK, oft quoted at me as an example of a rain-soaked hell hole? Well, I hate to disappoint you but the UK isn’t in the same league. North Americans seem to think it rains every day in London;great waterfalls of rain pelting down on rows and rows of dark, terraced houses flooding the outdoor toilets. Not quite true, the rain bit that is. London actually gets an average of (just) 23 inches a year, half Vancouver’s and a little over a quarter of what North Van gets. If you look at the stats, Miami and Orlando get more rainy days than London although there’s a marked difference in the availability of quality beach front properties.

Compared to the real rain capitals of the world, Vancouver is a parched desert. Hawaii boasts the rainiest spot in the USA. Mt Waialeale on Kauai gets 11.6m a year or 460 inches a year. That’s nearly 1.3 inches a day and 10 times our average.

But even Mt Whatsitleale can’t top the unfortunate Indian town of Mawsynram which experiences an astonishing 467 inches a year thanks to the soggy influence of the Himalayas. The Guinness Book of World Records reports with not a hint of irony that 1985 was “a bit wetter than normal in Mawsynram”, and 1,000 inches fell that year. Unsurprisingly, it’s known to the few hardy amphibian tourists who manage to get there for its lush greenery. The local tourist association dryly notes that it is “home to rivers and waterfalls”.

So, we’re really not that badly off in the grand scheme of all-things-rainy. None of this makes me feel better though. Looking out my window today, with the North Shore once again obscured by clouds, my front yard doing a passable imitation of the Western Front, and the steady drumbeat of rain-on-sidewalk easing through my window, I just wish it would bloody stop.