The Self-Isolation-Round-The-World-In-14-Days Tour
I flew in from Santiago a week ago with a plane load of worried Canadians heading home from their business trips, or cancelled cruises or their we-had-a-bit-too-much-adventure holidays.
The handy leaflet I was given at Toronto airport that passes for Canadian government COVID-19 screening tells me that I have to self isolate for 14 days, so now I’m effectively stuck in the house until March 30th.
Well, screw that. I’m an experienced world traveller with the constitution of an ox on steroids, and I’m simply not prepared to sit around, thumb up my bum, while the wonders of the world pass me by. So, the Urbancrows blog has embarked on an all expenses paid (funding source to be determined) virtual world tour to take in some of the sights I’ve always wanted to see. Madagascar, Mongolia, Chad – I’ve crossed them all off my bucket list already.
Regular readers will be pleased to hear (I hope) that I’ve been keeping an illustrated travel diary to while away the time spent on my virtual plane, sipping virtual bubbly in my virtual fully-reclinable First Class seat. I’ll be updating the diary everyday, so let’s dive in and see where I’ve been…
Day 9: The Lord Of The Rings
Today I visited the set of the Lord of The Rings in New Zealand -I read the book over and over as a kid & it’s one of my favourite films. I went dressed as Bilbo & they let me climb Sauron’s tower, which was only 12 ft high and wobbled alarmingly; something of a let down! A pathetic looking rubber “Smaug” flew over on the end of fishing line & grilled one of the extras but that’s why they call them extras I guess! Gandalf was smoking his wand (wtf?) & a bit out of it. His tobacco smelled funny.
Day 8: I’m Sitting On top Of Kilimanjaro
Day 8 of my virtual world tour and I landed in Nairobi for a drive across the border to Tanzania to visit Africa’s highest peak, Kilimanjaro! With limited time available this was a true test of stamina – a 24 hour hike up Kili with 3 of climbing’s true greats: Alex Hobbold, Chris Bonnington & Reinhold Messner and his gorgeous dog, Scrotum. To be honest I’m so fit they struggled to keep up with me. Got to the top just as Kili tried to BBQ us which was a bit hairy!
Day 7: Bones in Borneo
To Borneo – a long haul from Monte Carlo but bloody worth it. I accompanied TV survival guy, Bear Grylls, as he visited a cave dig in the jungles of Kalimantan to look for the bones of the ancient hobbit man, Homo Floriensis! We rappelled down on a flimsy rope (he got stuck!) into knee deep bat guano & cockroaches and found a small leg bone! Success.
Day 6: The Monte Carlo Simulation
From Chad to the splendid luxuries of Monte Carlo, to see my old mate Lewis Hamilton, F1 World Champ, for an outrageously scary high speed spin round the most famous race track in the world in his vintage e-type, followed by an even quicker and very unprofitable flutter on the Baccarat tables.
Note to self, need more funds and next time pack anti-viral underwear and air freshener.
Day 5: Bustards in Chad
Day 5 of the self isolation world tour and we’re back in Africa. My old high school friend Rebecca had a whip round at home to send me & my 2 identical brothers on a desert camel Safari in Chad. We were supposed to track the elusive Bustard; the world’s heaviest flying bird. Sadly we didn’t see any but we still had a great time wiping off camel spit and popping saddle boils. Back in the tent last night we got to play an ancient Chadian camel herder game called Pick-a-tick. What fun!
Day 4: A Trip Down The Giant Oyu Tolgoi Mine In Mongolia
A buddy set up a mine visit to Oyu Tolgoi on the vast Mongolian steppes. It was a bloody long haul from Botswana to Ulan Bator but the Bombardier Global 7500 got me there on time for sundowners. We stayed in a luxury yurt at the mine supping on warm Yak’s milk (talk about glamping!), and they even brought in a tame Yak called Kevin for a quick ride to the head frame before going underground. I was bowled over by how modern Oyu Tolgoi is. The engineering is first class. Thanks Oyu Tolgoi! Thanks Mongolia! Great rocks too.
Day 3: A Bull Elephant Charge In Botswana
I managed to blag a last-second cheap digital flight to the Sir Seretse Khama International Airport near Gaberone, the capital of Botswana. I rented a great little car and headed off to the Okavango swamps. Nature called, and when I pulled over to the side for a quick leak en route I was charged by an angry bull elephant that apparently doesn’t like geologists. I managed to snap this selfie before a quick sprint to the car. Man was that close…
Day 2: Hippos in Madagascar
After the lawless streets of Athens, it was a relief to head south to the jungles of Madagascar. I joined a group tracking the island’s rare dwarf hippo in dense, humid jungle terrane. My travel buddy snapped this action shot of me getting up close to this elusive beast.
Day 1: And They’re Off To Athens
I’m sick of being stuck in my home office. Fuck, it’;s only been a day but I’m bored already. Operation Escape From Point Grey is underway. First stop, Athens. The weather wasn’t too good – snowing actually, but the Parthenon still took my breath away. After a couple of long ouzos and some calamari from a street vendor, it’s back to the airport.
