Mining Clichés Explained

A Cheese Primer for Investors

There’s nothing like a cheesy marketing cliché in a news release to make you immediately buy a bucket-load of a company’s stock, right? Spend five minutes talking to any IR professional at an investor conference and see how many clichés you can spot. This is the kind of stuff I mean.

“We’re undervalued relative to our peers and poised for success.”

“Our management is best-in-class with a proven track record”

“That’s the steak, now here’s the sizzle.” (wtf?)

I’ll buy 20,000 at 2c above market, because…sssssssssssizzle.

Anyone who follows the junior mining sector will -just maybe- have spotted the odd cliché tucked away in marketing materials, or in one of the many stale corporate PowerPoints that end up unread on a dull home page. The judicious use of meaningless phrases is an art form that our industry has perfected, and sadly we all use them, UrbanCrows included. I admit it -guilty as charged- before you start pointing fingers. It’s hard to come up with marketing copy that sounds fresh without delving into the bloated lexicon of hackneyed phrases at some point. So as a public service to my readers, I’ve polled some mining friends (thanks, you know who you are) to compile a short list of the ones that we see regularly, and that we love to hate.

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Enchanted April.

Stock picking club update.

What follows is an edited version of my monthly junior mining update to the members of the steak-eating-red-wine-drinking stock picking club informally known as the “Get Rich Short Our Picks Club”. All names of members have been removed and some of my more abusive comments have been diplomatically edited out too. Which is a shame really. I’d love to leave them in so you can all see how bad this motley collection of mining experts is at choosing winners. Anyhoo, here’s the table, dateline end of April.

The “Get Rich Short Our Stocks” portfolio in gory smell-o-vision.
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When Turkey Meets Italy.

I’m a wannabe classical guitar player. The trouble is, I’m too bloody old to practice enough to get to the standard I’d like to reach. So, I lied. I’m not really a guitar player. But I do listen to a lot of classical guitar and have, over time, convinced myself that I’m a talented-albeit-vicarious musician. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, I know.

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Mining Stocks Are Crap.

Q. How to make a small fortune in mining?

A. Start with a large one.

This is an update to an article I posted a few months ago on urbancrows.

It’s an old cliché but very apropos at the moment. To put it in simple terms, the prevailing climate in the resource world I inhabit is beyond crap and has been for a few years. There’s been a slow, persistent drizzle of shitness scaring speculative money away. Investors have all but abandoned the mining and exploration sector. The TSX Venture Composite Index has drifted up a little recently, but the reality is, it’s simply inching its way slowly up from a 10-year low. The amount of investment capital available to the sector has shrunk, and as a direct result the pace of new mine discoveries has slowed to an historic low.

Mining stocks: flushing your cash down the gurgler.
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What is a Geologist?

Last Sunday was the first Sunday in April, known as Geologists’ Day, and rightly celebrated around the world by millions of people. It was originally designated a holiday by the Soviet Union under the leadership of Leonid Brezhnev, a notoriously jolly chap with unbelievably big eye brows. I hope, wherever you live, you tracked down your closest geologist, and gave them a big hug and a giant sloppy kiss. We deserve it because we add so much to your lives, if only you knew.

Brezhnev once said:
Да, я люблю геологов
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It’s Crop Circle Time.

Spring is here in its inimitable, slightly-sodden Vancouver fashion. Growing up in Kent, in southern England, I loved it. Every year, the warmer weather brought profound changes to the ancient agrarian landscape around the cathedral city of Canterbury. To a bubbling soundtrack of larks high above, the farmers would sow their fields, bringing a riot of green and yellow to the chalk downs. And then, in another timeless annual rite, crop circle time arrives; the first circle is found smack in the middle of a wheat field in Wiltshire, and suddenly every idiot and conspiracy whack job in the country wakes up sporting their alien-spotter hard on, looking for 15 minutes of fame.

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A Point Grey Rant.

Death By A Thousand Cuts.

Me.

If you’re a non-resident of Vancouver, specifically my neighbourhood Point Grey, chances are you won’t find this blog post remotely interesting. Look away now.

Yeehaw. Point Grey Living is Here!

Every month, the kind publishers at Best Version Media, ensure that I‘m kept up to date with all the local goings-on by stuffing the shiny Point Grey Living Magazine into my mail box. Billed as An Exclusive Magazine for the Residents of Point Grey and West Point Grey (barf), this colourful publication is full of colourful articles about the colourful characters of our ‘hood. Lovely. And a big thank you to the publishers for including my house on the mailing list.

Point Grey Living Magazine. On its side.
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March Stock Picking Update

Shout out to Shovelnose

Greetings stock pickers,

What follows is an edited version of my monthly junior mining update to the members of the Hys and Lows stock picking club. All names of members have been removed. Which is a shame really. I’d love to leave them in so you can all see how bad our motley collection of mining experts and insiders is at choosing winners.

As the UK ponders a possible Brexit-related general election, and the UK’s electorate therefore have to ponder the real possibility of Jeremy Marx-Stalin becoming Citizen 1 in place of Theresa Won’t, I’d like to turn to happier things: the shitty resource junior market, a welcome constant in these turbulent times.

Down to business.

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I Signed A Tortoise.

Actually I autographed more than one.

See, if you thrash around in the bush in the warmer parts of Turkey and Iran for long enough, you’ll eventually find wild tortoises. Shy creatures, they mind their own business -as you’d expect- crawling languidly around, looking like rocks with legs, although rocks move a bit faster going downhill. They can’t exactly run away quickly, so once you spot one, you’ll definitely catch it. I found them all the time, particularly in Iran.

They don’t much like people, but their only active defence mechanism, other than retreating in to their shell and making some unbelievably non-terrifying hissing sounds, is to wee all over anything that tries to pick them up. Which for a while was me, until I learned my lesson.

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Stupid Baby Crows

I called my blog UrbanCrows.com because I naively planned to write lots of fascinating, insightful pieces about Vancouver’s urban wildlife. The new David Attenborough, that’s me, I thought. But the regular readers out there – all 6 of you including me, my mum, the dog, and occasionally my wife- will have noticed that I’ve drifted off topic and have written lots of biographical stories from my exploration days. All good and well, saves me from doing it when I retire I guess, but it’s high time for a trip back to the original theme of the blog; a quick return to Vancouver’s crows and their remarkable urban lives.

That’s the last time I read your blog.
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